A Look Back On Bailey's First Year

~ Click Here To Read Bailey's Birth Story ~

...Then...

...Love at First Sight....

...And now...

...Our Valentine...

There are LOTS of pictures on this page. I apologize if they take awhile to load. But, it's worth it :)

So a year has gone by my sweet baby girl. I still remember when you were kicking around inside my tummy. I think back to one year ago today and remember what I was wearing... what I felt like... how excited we all were to meet you for the first time. We chose not to find out if you were a boy or girl because we wanted to be surprised, our last baby. You were such an amazing blessing for us, for me. I was not planning to have you, we thought our family was complete with 6 members. Now I cannot even fathom having anything less. The day I found out I was having you, I was excited, happy and scared out of my mind. FIVE kids.. that's a big number when you look at the "big picture"... but you, my Bailey Madison, were welcome in my heart the minute I saw that second line on the home pregnancy test. When I started bleeding about 6 weeks into my pregnancy, I was sick with worry. I did not want to lose you. It seems like it took forever for the safe period of pregnancy to get there and the bleeding to stop. I was told I was going to miscarry you but some heartless nurse and I was putting all the faith and prayers I had into my pregnancy - and making sure *I* did not lose *you*. The day I hit 3 months, such a humungous weight was lifted. I knew my chances of losing you dropped tremendously. I rented a baby doppler, so I could listen to you every day, and I did, several times. That was my lifeline until you started kicking me and I could keep tabs on you that way. My little bean.

It's amazing how quickly love forms. In literally minutes I went from being a mom of 4 to a mom of 5 and my heart just grew to make room for another baby. I had planned from day 1 of my pregnancy, to save every penny I could so that I could be a stay at home mom with you and breastfeed you, which I didn't have the opportunity to do with your brother and sisters. I worked full time and didn't have the strength to breastfeed them. I knew it would be hard but I was determined. I can't imagine choosing to bottle feed you and never experience the bonding and comfort of breastfeeding one of my babies. We had some trouble at first. Ohhh it was so painful, but I had a great support network of friends and your daddy was very supportive of my choice to keep at it. One of our friends made a comment about how I was your lifeline. I kept you alive for 10 months inside of me, and then when you were born, I was what sustained your being by nursing you and giving you the chance at the healthiest life possible. It brought me to tears to think of it like that. That is what kept me going. I didn't want to rely on an artificial means of nourishment for you. I don't know what made that click for me... that hadn't clicked for your older brother and sisters. Bottle feeding was all I knew with them, but this time it was different. Maturity I guess... information (Internet) played a big part of it. I did alot of research and well.... it was the right decision that I wish I could go back and change for your siblings too! They are all very very healthy though... so that is what matters!

Do you remember when I used to sing you the lullaby, You Are My Sunshine? I used to sing that to you each and every day, morning noon and night. I sang it all the time. McKenzie used to help me sing it to you too. I wanted to sing it every day so that you would know it as a comfort song as you grew older, and you know what, it works. You love to be sung too. I sing You Are My Sunshine and sometimes I'll throw in something new, like Rock A Bye Baby and you know what.... you squeal until I go back to You Are My Sunshine. It melts my heart.

When we brought you home, every single outfit was way too big for you. We went to Target the day I got home from the hospital and I carried you around... you were very fussy. I had to stop and feed you at the cafe. I picked a booth in the far corner behind the counter where nobody could see me undo my nursing bra and try to get you latched on. I was so awkward and shy. Now, I sit on a bench in the middle of the mall and have no problems. <smile> Anyway, Grandma Lisa bought you some really nice things at Target. These beautiful hair pretties, some gorgeous outfits, the most beautiful blankie that we slept with every night. Grandma Lisa was such a big help that weekend you came home with us. She watched the older kids so daddy could stay with me in the hospital for 2 whole nights. She helped Daddy clean up on Monday before she left for home, cleaned up the whole kitchen, did laundry and all that good stuff. Mommy was SOOO tired and having such a hard time nursing that I didn't want to have to worry about the house and the older kids. I was able to lock myself in the bedroom and concentrate on you. Grandma and Grandpa were also great big helps too. They kept some of the older kids occupied and happy for us. Grandpa brought Mommy king crab legs and Jack In The Box while we were in the hospital! :) Plain Grandma bought you the most adorable little sports shoes, because we sooo thought you were going to be a boy. I have kept them for you, so that you can give them to your son someday.

A few days after you were born, Aunt Myndi and I took you to Walmart and bought you some preemie outfits because you were just swimming in all your clothes I had bought you. I had more boy stuff than girl stuff, I have to admit, because I so strongly thought that you were going to be a boy! So... I had things to get for you... the preemie outfits were so tiny and so adorable. I bought two of them and you wore them for about 3 or 4 weeks, along with your other 0-3 months stuff that was on the smaller side. I remember you very vividly. How delicate your little legs were when I changed your diaper. How tiny your little rump was. Oh my... you were so beautiful. You had the worst case of baby acne though for a few weeks. I tried everything to get rid of it. I finally stopped using J&J bedtime bath and that's when it started to go away. I also was advised to use a little bit of breastmilk on your cheeks and that helped too. The wonders of mama milk. Amazing.

You had a full head of hair when you were born. Albeit, it was very thin. But it was long and full... by about 4 weeks you had lots all of the back of your hair! You just had these long wispies on the sides and top of your had. You were the exact opposite of Daddy! <smile>

I knew when I had you that I had to treasure each and every moment with you. Babies grow up so fast and from one stage to another. You all too quickly forget little things like the smell of a newborn, the first time you nurse your baby without any discomfort, what those little teeth feel like right before they cut through, what it's like to lay your baby on your knees without any part of their body hanging off, how secure you feel laying your baby on the bed without worrying about her rolling off, instead of putting a headband in your baby's hair - you decide to try her very first ponytail instead, the changing of a newborn's dark blue eye color to the light blue you have today, watching you learn to pick up your head off my shoulder instead of lying there just helpless, rolling over... sitting up... scooching backwards which leads to forwards which leads to army crawl which leads to crawling on all fours. And now the day is here that you pull up on everything and can actually get back down without screaming for help. Pretty soon you'll be walking with just holding one of my hands and then at some point, you'll let go.... and walk all by yourself.

I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as you're living, my baby you'll be.